Yesterday I yelled too much. Chaos ensued as we prepared to leave the house; it’s rare these days, leaving the house.
Yesterday I laughed with my son and watched him fearlessly plunge his small hand into a tank and pet the backs of horseshoe crabs.
I told him to stop asking me to buy things!
But then we left the aquarium gift shop with a turtle key chain and a shirt for his brother.
We bought a stale pretzel and I watched him take small bites as he swung his legs, his feet so close to touching the floor when he sits. I took in the sight of him.
Back home and I scolded my child for not doing his schoolwork, for messing around, for refusing to sit still, for refusing to sit up straight, for not finishing his lunch, for…you get the picture.
The key chain from the aquarium sat at the other end of the kitchen table. I watched the blue-dyed water and the turtle inside shake, each time he sunk into his chair and wriggled, refusing to read an assignment.
Then I told him I loved him, that I was proud, that he’s doing an amazing job.
And somehow his love for me beats steadily. In spite of it all. In spite of the ups and downs. In spite of the fact that I want to bury my head in the sand with the embarrassment of my inability to hold it together at all times. Because my five year old is giving me grace, is handling it all so much better than I am.
Just picture it.
And for that I am so thankful.