for the guilt you harvest for falling to pieces.
Tag: magic mama
sometimes our children are the stabilizers.
The key chain from the aquarium sat at the other end of the kitchen table. I watched the blue-dyed water and the turtle inside shake, each time he sunk into his chair and wriggled, refusing to read an assignment.
when hyper self-awareness is exhausting.
You'd think it would be some kind of magic, being so tuned in to your own conscience that you can pinpoint where a feeling comes from and why; to know where your own power lies, to be able to dig through the misty ether and say hey, don't be so hard on yourself, you know what your trigger is.
day 321: yesterday it snowed
The light outside is almost blinding; the stillness hits differently.
vigil for nothing
awareness for the what-ifs / awareness for the things / you could never comprehend / so you spend all of your / precious time trying to
it’s a wild ride.
Does your brain ever feel like it's on a carousel? 'Cause mine sure does. Every. Damn. Day. Spinning in circles, everything lost in an up-down blur. You crane your neck to try to keep your eyes on that one something, but inevitably it always escapes your line of vision, because that carousel just keeps on…
Beautiful, Beautiful, Boy:
I'm so sorry every day looks exactly the same. I'm so sorry for getting angry, so often. I'm frustrated. I'm lost. I'm anxious. But you are most important to me, always. Yell, apologize, repeat. Time is meaningless. The days blend and blind like getting sun in our eyes. Only night brings some sort of relief;…
be the stone, not the puddle
Tunnel vision. Tight chest, shallow breath. A pounding and a nagging behind my eyes that makes it impossible to focus on anything else. A feeling in my stomach like the in and out of ocean waves as they reach for shore - reach, reach, reach, pull back and gain momentum. anx·i·e·ty/aNGˈzīədē/ noun a feeling of…
the trigger
One part of my soul. Mommy, am I going to die? Whew. Your four year old turns to you with pure, unfiltered fear in his voice and speaks those words. Take it in. Feel it. Let it numb you, because it will. Let it stop your breath, because it will, just for a moment, before…
